so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
