I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
