The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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