well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
