I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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