Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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