there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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