I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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