Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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