I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
