Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
