Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
