just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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