It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
