I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
