I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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