Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
