Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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