I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
