I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
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