Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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