you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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