i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
