her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
That's when you crack a 10am beer
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
