babies were throwing up all over the place
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
