I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
