Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
