He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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