youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
