the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
