you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
