I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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