Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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