3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Small penises have feelings too.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
