I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
