I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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