She is in my trunk
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize