walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
