Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I am one with the molecules
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
