Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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