He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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