I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
