Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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