Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
