Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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