I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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