If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
