she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize