Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize