She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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