Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
