btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
