Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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