I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
