Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize