im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
