Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
