got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize