I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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