dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
