she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
