HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
