Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
