You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize